A Den For A Lonely Fox

For those of you not "in the know", I transferred to a new command. On the 10th of December, I left the safety and warmth of Japan and returned to the United States, where everybody has a gun and has/will have used them on another person within the recent past/future and you even if you lock all of your possessions up in your house, you can still be robbed with realitive ease.

Needless to say, I was too thrilled. America has problems, a lot of which has become increasingly and painfully obvious within the past two years that I've been stationed overseas. But, I digress. This is supposed to be a happy update, not a political debate.

Anyways, so now I'm stationed somewhere in South Carolina ("Bum-Fuck Nowhere", as an old pal of mine would call this place) and have been readjusting. Police presence has apparently skyrockted since I last visited my home-state as have gun-related deaths and natural diasters...

Yay for being back home...?

Well, anyways, be that as it may, I've managed to realign my body with this continent's timezones, I've quickly relearned how much I hate people (The people of Japan were so courteous and respectful that I'd almost completely forgot) and I'm at the bottom of the totem pole of my new job, yet again.

However, there is a bright side to this. For one, the people I work with seem to be EXTREMELY nice. I don't mean the "Oh, I brought everyone cookies" nice, more like the "Oh, you need a ride to the car dealership? I'll drive you." kind. They've been helping me get allocated to the area and are uncharacteristically patience, for military folks.

I still haven't decided whether or not to make contact with my family while I'm here but, either way I'm fine. I've sorta made being alone my "thing", you know? Most people feel the opposite and even depend on their families for love and support. Me? I don't let te lack of their presence halt my progress. In my opinion, that's a rare stength. Some people I know allow their whole lives to be steered by the whims and desires if their parents and family. But I feel that all those extra expectations bog you down and dillute your own choices until you've become a product of someone else's designs, instead of your own person.

if you want to be a doctor, go and be a doctor. Don't study something completely different because you're afraid of what your Dad and older sister think. (Yeah, that was pointed at someone in particular. I doubt they'll see it though but, whatever)

Being alone, like this, it's the most liberating feeling. You don't have to argue or explain the path you want to take or deal with any emotional warfare bullshit that someone wants to thrust on you. You just do what you want to do. If you're lost or confused along the road, find an old-timer and ask them their story. More often than not, you'll gain valuable insight that'll help you achieve your goal. And, if not, then you'll have to find your footing by yourself. The road may not be easy at the time but, once you pass the hurtles and look back, from atop your victory, you'll laugh.

Achievements mean more when you've earned them yourself, rather than when you relied on others for help. When you've made the final payment on your own piece-of-shit car, that feels ten-times better than making the final payment on a Lamborghini, using money you got from family.

If you don't agree, what the hell are you doing reading one of my journals? Cause I don't normally cater to self-entitled individuals; at least I hope I don't.

Anyways, where was I going with this... Went off on a tangent there for a spell...

Oh yeah! So, anyways, I particulary proud to announce that I now have my own house. Well, I'm renting right now but, it's a first step to true home-owning. For the whole of my adult life, which coincidently began when I joined the Navy, I've been living in barracks (barrackses?). I only had a certain amount of space, privacy and; the most important of; control. But now, NOW, I am master of my own domain. A domain, mind you, that I searched for, fought for (figuratively) and pay for with my own money.

I am currently leasing a nice, three-bedroom house with two bathrooms and a 20-30ft dining area. It's one story and, if I'm being painfully honest, the building is as old as dirt. It's been well-worn and, if this were a carpet, you'd be unable to ignore the areas where it's fraying. All in all, kinda a run-down little plot.

But, guess what? It's MY run-down little plot! If I wanna leave ALL the lights on? They're gonna fuckin' be on! If I wanna run around completely naked? Say goodbye to the boxers (I have done this by the way. Hah! Get THAT image out of your head! ...The half of you who imagined me as buff and sexy...thank you)!

This jaded, old fox, whom has no friends nor family, finally has a place of his own to rest his head. And just in time for the holidays~!

I've already spent upwards of $600 on appliances and whatnots for my hole-in-the-wall. Once again, that money I was saving for Ex has become a bles- Wait, no, actually; now that I'm looking at the numbers; this is the cash I was saving AFTER the breakup. See, I still had the automatic allotments going to my savings, I just decided not to cancel them.

Well... Shit... That means I really DID do this all by myslef. No outside presence or influence made this possible (besides He Who Maketh All).

I gotta tell ya, despite this happening so late in my life, it still feels... I dunno how to describe it. Good, obviously. But, more than that. Maybe this means more for me on a personal level. With everything that's happened to me these past few years (my major fallout out with my family and being dumped by my fiancé), this is a goal met I feel signifies a lot.

I've lost a lot of emotional support (which, if you know me even a little bit, you know means a lot since I'm an emotional kinda guy) and yet I still make my goals realities. And that makes me feel proud. Sure, my problems may be small compared to others; I've never survived a fatal diagnosis or made it through life-threatening encounters; but this is a different type of victory. It's one of the human spirit. And yes, it is a SMALL win, but it's a win I made happen without the support of something like family or a spouse.

I had the priviledge of going to a retirement ceremony for someone who served his county for over 20 years. Originally, he didn't want to do it because it'll pretty much a big to-do over something that could easily be summed up as "Thank you for your service, you're free to go now. Enjoy the rest of your life."
During the ceremony, the presiding officer, a Naval Commander, explained that things like this aren't for the servicemember but for their families, who support and suffer alongside that man or woman in a different way.
The Commander went on to explain how most servicemembers depend on their fathers/mothers/brothers/sisters and husbands/wives far more than the average citizen especially for love and mental (as well as physical, in particular, when speaking about spouses) comfort.

"The are glue that holds the man together and gets him through the rough times." The Commander said. He then went and shook the hands of the man's wife before give her a placard as someone else read her a speech, thanking her for all her diligence and selfless actions while her husband was on nine-month deployments and long patrols, away from the home front.

Afterwards they kissed and everyone aww'd, including me cause, deep down, I still want something like what he has: a loving trustworthy wife, some kids, the whole nine.

But, you know, I'm making my way, my own way. In fact, I'm walking the same same same path as everyone else, just with no fallback and no partner at my side. If I stumble and fall, there won't be anywhere to turn. I can't go back and live with family. I haven't even SPOKEN to them in over three years. I can't go live with my girlfriend, cause I don't presently have one of those either.

I never explained why the fox is my favorite animal. It's because foxes are very flexible creatures, in terms of what they eat, where they can live and, perhaps most relevant, how they live. Unlike most canids, the fox is capable of surviving with or without a pack.
Most of the time, we think of the Lone Wolf as the perfect example of a badass animal. However, that's a mistake. Wolves are 100% pack animals. They depend on numbers for everything. Hunting, safety, protection of their turf, the whole nine. To be a Lone Wolf actually means that you failed to meet the expectations of the pack and were subsequently given the boot. A solitary wolf is a DYING wolf.
Now, a fox, on the other hand, can hunt for itself, think for itself, and protect itself if push comes to shoves (Ergo the saying, "A cornered fox is more dangerous than..."). They don't depend on others to survive; doing so only to enjoy the convenience, it would seem. Alone or in a small group, a fox is an expert of surviving and thriving.

With nobody else in my corner but me, it's no wonder I use a Vulpes-Vulpes as my emblem. And at last this fox has a den all his own.